Disclaimer:All publicly recognized characters, settings, ect. are property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~~I have to take a moment to thank, kikki7 and MrsK81 for pre-reading and Vintagejgc for her beta assistance.
~~So… I wrote this one-shot, an alternate ending to Edward and Bella’s honeymoon. What would have happened if Bella had given more consideration to Edward’s fears?
My Forever
As I lean against Edward, his arm comes around my shoulders, squeezing just a little. He points out into the distance and brings his mouth close to my ear. “Can you see it?”
Squinting against the dark sky I can barely make out a line of trees against the horizon. I look up at Edward and nod, unable to keep the smile off my face. As we speed toward Isle Esme, a new excitement washes away the sleep from my eyes.
Just a few minutes later the boat slows, the powerful engine ceasing and we begin rocking against the gentle swell of the water. Edward helps me off the boat, and then races to put the luggage away before he’s back at my side, taking my hand and leading me to the house. Like everything else I expected from the Cullen family, my family, it was an exquisite place. His hand in mine, he shows me the kitchen and bathroom, making sure I’m acquainted with the human necessities. We end up in the master bedroom, pristine and untouched; I wonder when it was last used.
“Bella?” He asks; a touch of trepidation in his voice. He stands before me, his eyes all light and beautiful. “Come for a midnight swim with me?”
His cool touch is refreshing against the humid island air, gently stroking the ring that adorns my finger. I watch as his eyes darken, watching him swallow several times.
“That sounds nice.” My voice trembles, and it comes out just a bit louder than a whisper. I smile at him, pushing down my sudden nervousness.
He returns my smile but looks more relieved than anything else. I may not be an empath, but I can feel the unease radiating off him. I turn and walk to the dresser, my suit case laid on top. After an unzip and a peek, I remember that Alice has packed for me. I change my mind and turn to him.
He speaks before I have the chance. “I’m sure you’d like a human minute or two...” He trails off, motioning toward the bathroom. “It was a long journey.”
I nod, I am indeed in need of a few minutes to myself, but I don’t move, instead I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel his lips against my forehead, trailing down to my temple. “Don’t take too long, Mrs. Cullen. I’ll be waiting for you in the water.”
I smile wide, the way he said Mrs. Cullen makes me unexpectedly giddy. I open my eyes to see him walking away and opening the French doors. He is shrugging off his shirt and drops it to the floor. My gaze is fixated on his back, muscular and toned to perfection.
“I’ll be quick,” I say before turning toward the bathroom.
I march forward, trying to calm myself; looking at myself in the mirror and cringing. Alice’s flawless make-up has faded. Looking away I notice that Edward has already laid out toiletries as well as hung a bathing suit from the doorknob. I change and splash some cool water on my face. Looking at my reflection, I sigh; my physical appearance isn’t all that bad. I’d been waxed, buffed, and otherwise taken care of by Alice in preparation for this moment and I want to be beautiful for him. I study my reflection and see nothing I haven’t seen thousands of times before. Then I imagine myself with flawless skin and honey eyes. Surprisingly enough, I don’t imagine myself much different. Even fantasizing my eyes gold or black with hunger, they look natural to me. My imagination conjures up what I think will be me someday and I look good, right. I look like me, with a few upgrades.
I shake my head and laugh. This is my honeymoon, I got married today. And now… Though I feel no different physically, my emotions are teetering on the edge of a strange sort of excitement, I somehow feel different.
I am suddenly feeling a confidence and a pressing need. My husband is waiting for me.
And there is… the difference. I have been so trained to think of marriage as a legality, a piece of paper and nothing more. The fact that calling Edward my husband comes so naturally is an epiphany. I didn’t think any of that marriage business would have this type of effect on me, and yet here I am, smiling to myself at the fact that I married Edward today.
I turn and leave the room, walking slowly toward the French doors. I amble down to the beach, my toes curling at the temperature of the water. So warm… So good.
At first I don’t see him, my eyes wandering the horizon. I walk past a palm tree with a curved branch that hangs out over the water, and hanging upon the branch was the rest of Edward’s clothes.
He is naked.
I stop, breathing hard when I see him waist deep in the water. His skin manages to glisten against the moonlight, and looks so inviting. He doesn’t turn to face me, but I am sure that he heard me approach. I’m caught off guard by his lack of clothes, my own skimpy bikini seeming too much and that’s saying a lot. I reach up and untie the knot behind my head, shedding the top; I hang it up next to Edward’s pants before removing my bottoms and swallowing hard.
I’m waist deep before Edward extends his hand and I make my way to him as quickly as I can, throwing my arms around his waist in a hug. We embrace- the warm water around us like a blanket. It is a soothing combination, my heat against his now unencumbered, cool skin, he feels warm in the water. I try not to focus on the lusty vibes my body is undoubtedly feeling and I squeeze my arms around him as tight as I can in a way that isn’t sexual, but loving.
We stay like that for awhile; my head laying against his chest before he scoops me up and makes his way deeper into the ocean. We both look up to the moon, full and bright- it is glorious.
“Beautiful,” I murmur, his lips descending to my forehead for a brief kiss.
“It’s alright,” he replies seeming unimpressed. His hands move to the small of my back, gently rubbing circles to soothe me. “But I wouldn’t use the word beautiful,” he continues. “Not in comparison to you.”
I look up at him then and put my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer and inhaling slowly. Everything feels so intense, the pulse of the water, the feel of Edward’s hands on my skin, all of my skin. My nipples harden against his chest, the cool temperature of his body giving me the most delicious chills. I shiver, almost shaking with a stuttered breath. Leaning into him, I just stay there, trying to savor and enjoy the moment.
His finger finds its way to my chin and taps, a subtle way to get me to open my eyes and acknowledge him. “I promised we would try,” he whispers, tension present in his voice. “If… if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once.”
The only thing I can think to do is hold him tighter, nodding solemnly. My eyes close again, I can’t help it. I am so comfortable in his hands that I doubt anything he can do will feel wrong. “I love you,” I breathe, my voice so calm and composed that I impress myself.
We stay there embracing each other for a few moments before I look at up him again. “Don’t be afraid,” I murmur. “We belong together.”
His stare mesmerizes me, although I can still sense his trepidation. The crinkle of his brow, his jaw tight with clenched teeth; his fear is palpable. I bury my face in his chest and sigh. I want this night to be without any drama. Our current state is sadly soaked in hesitancy.
This will not do.
This is not what I want.
I don’t want awkwardness and stuttered words. I want him to take me, touch me. I want him to forget about his fear and trust in us.
We can do this, I am sure of it, but I will have to take the lead. I will have to ease him into it; slow it down and enjoy our midnight swim first.
I lean back far enough to let my hair become saturated with water. I loosen my hold and Edward’s grip mirrors my own, letting me slip into the water, submerging myself. I open my eyes and see darkness but feel his hands bracing my upper arms, his grip soft yet demanding. I push my toes against the sand and emerge quickly, purposely spitting water in his face in an attempt to lighten the mood.
I crack up laughing and he follows suit, his hands never leaving my waist. I squirm and shimmy, situating myself with my chest against his back behind him. “Swim,” I whisper and he cups my thigh with his left hand and moves forward with a stroke of his right arm, propelling us into the deep water.
He swims, and I hold on to him, relishing the feel of his body against mine. When I look back, the house is so very far away, just a flicker of light in the distance. I feel so at peace, so relaxed in his embrace. He turns me, his hands holding me firmly, ensuring that I won’t sink until I face him. I can feel the movement of the water below us as he moves his feet, keeping us afloat. I let go of him, my arms by my side, letting him hold me there.
My hands drift over his watery form, he is dazzling me without even trying to. The fact that he is staring at the tops of my breasts does not escape me. His hand leaves my waist and travels up my body, leaving a hot trail of want in its wake. Every time he touches me it solidifies my need for him. He feels it too; I know he does; although I know the chance of him admitting it is slim. Even married, he is so cautious of me, his touch a whisper, the water coming down harder on my skin than his hands.
I watch his face, his longing and reservations so present in the moonlight. I think I should be forceful and maybe wanton, surely he will give me what I want, he agreed to it. The longer I study him, the more fear I see in him. He looks terrified under a mask of calm and that makes me think; makes me understand him in a way I never have before. It gives me pause, really looking at this situation through his eyes for the first time. I feel like I have somehow gained a new appreciation for his worries. This magnificent creature in my arms is everything to me. The mere thought of him hurting in any way, shape, or form is repugnant, is something I know I never want to see.
I want him, I know it, and I am sure he wants me and yet… for the first time I feel as though I’m not sure I want to force him into something that he might not be ready for.
He doesn’t look ready. He looks nervous, cautious, almost pained even.
Had he been more relaxed I might have pressed my naked body up against him like I wanted, but I suddenly feel very selfish. It hits me like a tidal wave when I realize that I had never really given his fears much thought, had I? Could I have over-estimated his control or his strength? What if he couldn’t control himself in the heat of passion? Why was I worried about this? I wanted to be like him and the thought of him biting me while making love seemed like a romantic way to go… But then I thought about the act itself; he would have to bite me, cause me excruciating pain. It would hurt him to hurt me like that.
I kiss the side of his neck and then look up at him.
“Edward?” I can barely find my voice. “I love you, so much.”
“And I love you,” he pulls a wet lock of hair from my eyes. “More than my own life.”
I feel warmth that I know wasn’t coming from the water. It’s a connection to him that is beyond anything I have ever experienced. His words sink deep beneath my psyche.
All of a sudden, everything comes into focus. My world tilts into something that is no longer just about me. I feel the exact same way as Edward does. I love him more than anything and it becomes very clear to me that so many of my actions have been driven by my needs and not his.
“I want to call off our agreement.” I can’t believe the words that leave my mouth in a rush.
He looks bewildered. “What?”
He stares down at me in wonder. I have to reply, expand, something…
“I love you, Edward.” I stare back at him, willing him to know that what I feel between us is so much more than can be expressed physically or verbally, apparently. “Deal’s off.”
I know that my voice is too calm for him, too relaxed, he is perplexed.
“What are you saying?” His brow furrows and I smile at the fact that he has no idea what I am thinking. He has no idea that my resolve has suddenly turned, my selfishness withering. I can’t do this if it means making him uncomfortable in any way. It wouldn’t be right.
“I’m saying that I want you, when you’re ready, and not a minute before.” My gaze is cast down, a speck of unease at my own declaration. I am fighting with my own urges in order to find a balance between us, to be his wife, his partner. Despite of what he thinks of himself, or his soul, I know the truth. I know that he is a good person with a soul that supplies me with boundless love and affection. He deserves to be heard, to have a say in what happens between us. I need to respect his wishes, not to blow them off. I know that if I were to pressure him, he would do what I wish. He would swim us back to shore and make his best attempt at filling our vows of marriage with a forced physical love that would be shrouded in hesitancy. I wonder if he would get any pleasure or if he would be too busy worrying about my fragility. My lust suddenly seems like such a fickle emotion.
Of course I want him. That is something that my body does without any conscious thought. I am aroused by his mere presence and I know that won’t change. I have a feeling that it will be infinitely more intense once I am like him. I have a fleeting notion to ask him to bite me now. To take what he needs in order to foster our dreams of making love to each other unencumbered. But I do not. I can’t ask him that. Not here. Not now.
His face contorts into an uneasy expression and I have no idea what to say.
“Why?” He asks.
It is a simple question, one that I should be able to verbalize, but I am caught up in his eyes. He truly has no idea what I am thinking and I realize that I need to speak to make him understand.
”Please, Bella…” He sounds so pained that I wince. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He looks so lost; confused at my statement that I know he hasn’t a clue at my sudden change of heart.
With a warm smile, I bring my hands around his neck and grab onto his hair. I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him softly. I’m not sure why I am at a loss for words but kissing him seems to express my feelings so much more than any words can. As always, I am a bit more forceful than he is with me. Realizing my over-zealous kiss, I soften it. Normally I would unabashedly run my tongue over his bottom lip and everywhere else he allowed; this time I use my lips to tell him exactly how I feel in this moment. Slowly but surely, I worship his lips and rejoice silently that these lips will someday travel to more intimate places and bring me more pleasure than I know what to do with. Somehow, right now, the fantasy is more than enough.
Like so many times before, he breaks our kiss, but this time I don’t pout or give him grief. I simply hold on to him and revel in his softly guarded touches.
“I feel differently now.” I confess. His expression is curious, his eyebrow rising in question. “I didn’t think I would feel this way.”
“How do you feel?” He asks his lips now by my ear. “What’s different?”
“Please don’t be mad,” I plead, even though what I am about to say is what I think he will love to hear. “I’ve changed my mind.”
“About what?”
“About this,” I answer gesturing around us. This deserted island, which should have been the perfect place for us to express our physical want for each other. I feel ashamed of my demands of him. This shouldn’t be a demand. It should mean something more, for both of us.
He looked at me expectantly, and I know I have to explain. “I…” I laugh nervously. “I feel so close to you, more connected to you. I’m your wife.”
The words roll off my tongue with ease, a new kind of joy sparking in my chest.
I smile the most sincere smile I have donned in what seems like forever. Somehow the gravity of my commitment surges within me. A tear slips down my cheek and I hope he doesn’t notice, hope maybe the water will mask the raw emotion pouring out of me; the true meaning of my words spinning my entire perspective.
“And?” He challenges, his tone playful, bringing me into his mood and making me wrap my legs around him tighter.
“And…” I repeat with conviction, trying desperately to ignore how close we are, how much I can feel him. “I’m done being selfish.”
He cocks an eyebrow and I smile even wider. “I’m done demanding, I’m done with all of that.” I wave my hand in a nonchalant gesture. “I didn’t know…” I lose my voice, wanting so badly to let him know what I am thinking. I sigh thinking it would be easier if my brain worked right and he could simply read my mind. “I didn’t realize how being your wife would make me feel.”
Wife...
I said it again and I tingle, warm beyond his cool, loving him so hard I could burst.
“How does it make you feel?” He asks, voice low, husky. I keep him at arm’s length as I try to explain, his eyes slightly narrowed as if he is expecting something bad to come out of my mouth but I can’t blame him. I have been so stubborn about this little bargain of ours, conceding to marriage only when he agreed not only to turn me, but have sex with me too, regardless of his reservations. I try to focus on how I feel now.
“Good, so, so good.” I smile wide and true. “Happy, silly, amazing.”
He smiles so big that I can’t help but smile back, his happiness making this that much sweeter. He sweeps me into a hug and holds on tight, his feet swishing around beneath us, spinning round and round. “God, Bella, I just want you to be happy.”
I kiss his shoulder. “I am. As long as we’re together, I will be.”
I wrap my arms around his back as he swims; giggling as he races us back to shore. He carries me bridal style into the house, grinning as we cross through the threshold.
“I should have carried you the first time.”
I laugh and bite my lip as we make our way inside. We dress- Edward in board shorts and a simple white T-shirt and me in a casual sundress. I wander into the kitchen and open the refrigerator which is filled to the brim with fresh fruit, vegetables and cheeses.
“I took the liberty of having the house stocked.” He rubs the back of his head. “I hope everything is to your liking.”
“Look at all this fruit...” I grab a strawberry and hold it to my nose, inhaling and humming in anticipation. I had hardly eaten anything that day, and the sight of food reminds me how hungry I am.
Edward walks to me, bending down to sniff the strawberry just as I had. His expression is so cute, curious, and playful. The tension from before has vanished and I let out a contented sigh.
He runs one finger down my jaw. “You’re still smiling.” He sounds amazed, his eyes focusing on my lips that are indeed still stretched out in a grin. “I love your smile, Bella. I cannot tell how much joy I feel when you smile.”
He takes the strawberry from me and holds it to my mouth. I bite tentatively, humming in satisfaction.
“Are you hungry?” he asks, stepping away.
“Very,” I reply.
“Come,” he says as he takes my hand and leads me through the living room, and out the back door. There is a deck off the back where we walk to a chaise lounge. It is huge, certainly big enough for two people to sit on. I sit and he kneels in front of me and kisses each one of my knees. He winks at me before rushing away at vampire speed. I try to watch but he is simply too fast for me to keep up. So instead, I lay back and listen to the sound of the gentle waves lapping at the shore. I close my eyes and relax and don’t open them again until Edward clears his throat.
He places a tray on the table, filled with sliced mango, pineapple, and of course strawberries. There are several hurricane lamps aglow with candles and a wine glass in his hand. He offers it to me and I hold it to my nose and sniff.
Edward laughs, “It’s a pinot grigio, a white wine. I hear it’s very good.”
I take a small sip and let it dwell in my mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. I’d never had wine before.
“Do you like it?” he asks, looking curious again.
“It’s... different.” I take another sip, determined to give him a better explanation than different.
“It is supposed to be dry, but I’m not sure what that means exactly.” He pauses and chuckles. “A liquid that tastes dry? I can’t say that I understand that.”
“Dry huh?” I take a bigger sip and try to feel it out and savor it. It has a complex flavor that is foreign to me, and after I swallow, my mouth does feel a little dry, making me want to take another sip. “It’s sweet,” I begin, trying my best to give a visceral description. “But it’s acidic, like a citrus fruit, and after I swallow, there is a dry feeling on my tongue. It’s hard to describe.”
“Take another sip,” he commands softly. I do, a small sip, making sure to coat my lips in it. He takes the glass from me and sets it aside, leaning in to kiss me. His tongue runs slowly along my lips, making me shiver. Leaning back he licks his lips and grins. “It tastes good on you.”
The combination of the wine and his kiss make me feel warm all over. I try to tamp down the arousal as my stomach is protesting and growling.
He pulls away, pushing the tray toward me. “Eat, love. I know you’re hungry.”
He watches as I eat and I try not to blush. I always find it a bit awkward to eat in front of him, but I am too hungry to care about that and the fruit is wonderful. I clear the plate and have a few more sips of wine before Edward refills my glass.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” I teased, wiggling my eyebrows.
He chuckled. “No, I would prefer you coherent on our wedding night.”
He grinned at me. “Are you feeling intoxicated?”
“No but I can feel the effects of the alcohol. I understand the way it’s used to relieve stress. It’s making my body feel heavy. I don’t think I’ll drink much more. I would prefer to be coherent too.”
With that said he took the plate and glass away then came to lie beside me. He was quiet, running his hands up and down my arms, around my shoulders and across my collar bone.
“May I ask you something?” His voice was soft, his brow crinkled again.
“Of course.” I turned to face him, touching his arm, mirroring his actions.
“What made you change your mind?” He asked quietly.
I smiled at that. I had wondered when he would ask. “This may sound stupid, but sometimes I take for granted that you can’t read my mind.”
“Really?” He cocked an eyebrow and his hand wandered lower, to my hip.
“Yeah, I mean…” I tried to focus, but his hand was distracting me. “You always know, well, everything, and sometimes I just assume that you can tell how I’m feeling.”
He laughed hard at my words and I laughed along with him.
“Bella…” He smirked. “You confound me, you always surprise me, and I love that about you.”
He stared at me, waiting for me to continue. “My point is that I don’t always say what I’m thinking. It occurred to me today that there are things I’ve never told you, things I need to tell you.”
His expression turned pensive, like I was about to reveal some dark secrets. I leaned forward brushing my lips against his, soft and chaste. I pulled back and smiled just for him. I ran my fingers through his hair and sighed. “I had an epiphany today. I realized that my motives in this little bargain of ours were...unfair and selfish. When we went for our swim you looked petrified when you spoke of... you know.”
He swallowed and nodded his expression almost sad. He was about to say something but I put my hand over his mouth, desperate to continue and tell him how I felt.
“I want to apologize for making you feel like I don’t value your opinion because I do.” I took his face in my hands. “I had a moment of clarity where I finally understood your fears, your reservations about making love to me.”
I leaned in closer, our noses almost touching. “I don’t want our first time to be with both of us scared. I want to enjoy you and I want you to enjoy me.”
He didn’t say anything at first, his eyes dark, his expression unreadable.
“Do you want to try?” I asked, my finger tracing the shell of his ear.
“I do want to.” His finger drifted down my jaw stopping at my chin. “I want you Bella. Don’t ever doubt that. I think it’s physically possible. I trust myself to be careful with you, to be gentle. My reservations comes from my inexperience. I’m not sure what to expect. I don’t know how it will affect me.” He shifted away and exhaled a big breath. Turning his head toward me he looked embarrassed, an expression I had never seen on him. “I’m also terrified that I won’t be able to please you.”
I snorted and he glared at me.
I spoke softly, trying to reassure him. “Neither one of us has done this before.”
I shifted closer to him, feeling needy for his touch, and pondering over what to say. I had been thinking about how we should approach it and decided to just tell him what I thought would work best. I shifted even closer, and then climbed on top of him.
He shuddered, closing his eyes and then opening them slowly. As I stared down at him, I was breathless at the feel of him beneath me. I leaned down and kissed his neck. “We’ll go slowly, we’ll learn together, and Edward...”
He kissed my shoulder, his hands on my hips pushing down, letting me feel him. He was hard and I whimpered, becoming wet between my legs. I kissed his neck again, trailing slow open mouthed kisses up his jaw before pulling back, wanting to look into his eyes.
I whispered to him, my voice lost in the depths of his eyes. “I want everything with you, and I know it’s tradition that we should... make love on our wedding night but it’s ok if we don’t.”
He let out a breath, looking shocked, thunderstruck. “I need for us to take it slow.”
“I know and that’s okay.” I smiled, running a finger over his jaw, his tension gone.
He took my hand and put it on his chest where his heart used to beat and he put his on my chest, a small smile on his lips.
“Thank you.” His voice broke, his lips trembling. “I can’t tell you what that means to me, Bella. Thank you for telling me everything tonight. Thank you for giving me the gift of your commitment. You make me feel so... loved.”
I leaned toward him, my lips touching down softly on his, very sweet kisses over and over. It was he who deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding against mine. I responded carefully at first, trying to curb my whimpers, to let him set the pace.
He kissed me senseless, a deep kiss that had an edge to it that was new. It was almost aggressive. He broke away, a grin on his lips, his hands running up over my backside.
“I want to try so many things with you, Bella. I want to touch you, everywhere.” He was bold, his hands running up the back of my thigh onto bare skin where the dress no longer covered. I shivered when he advanced, slow fingers with the gentlest touch ran up and my thigh, stopping only to toy with the edge of my panties.
I willed my hips to be still, but he was pushing up, grinding himself on me.
“May I take you to bed?” He asked, eyes clouded with lust, voice low. I nodded and in a flash was being placed on the softness of blankets, dazed as laid me down gently. Taking the edge of my dress, he lifted and removed it, tossing it aside, and then he just stood there looking down at me. I had on a bra and panty set that Alice had packed. It was a mix of silk and lace in a deep blue, very simple, yet the way Edward was looking at me made me feel like I was wearing nothing. His eyes roamed my body head to toe.
Sitting beside me, he traced the strap of my bra. “You are a vision, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”
His words made me blush and he grinned, his fingers wandering over my silk covered breasts, the fabric so thin, barely there. He took his time touching me, gently moving his hands over my stomach, down to my thighs. He shifted lower, caressing my calves before he bent down to place a kiss on each one of my feet. His finger swirled around the bottom of my foot- my most ticklish spot- causing me to giggle.
He laughed with me and pressed his lips to my ankle, our mood taking a playful turn. He looked up at me and began to kiss his way up my body. Our stare never broke as he worked his way up my thigh and around the curve of my hip. Then he was above me, kissing me, open-mouthed and wet. My hands were in his hair, massaging his scalp and I resisted the urge to scrape my nails across his neck.
We kissed for so long. It could have been minutes, hours, I was lost in the sublime feeling of his lips on me. I focused on every touch of his hand, every brush of his lips, every whispered declaration of love for me.
I gasped when he cupped one of my breasts, his finger dipping beneath the fabric. “I want to see you,” he rasped, breaking our kiss and looking at his hand which was pulling the silk down, revealing my bare skin. Ever so slowly, he touched me, staring down at me while his finger circled my nipple. He watched, fascinated as it hardened and as much I tried, I could not help myself. I arched into his touch, whimpering.
“Show me,” he whispered, taking my hand and placing it over his. “I... I need you to show me. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not-”
Before he could finish, I put my hands over his, guiding him, pressing down where I wanted. Nurturing and stroking his fingers while I writhed and pressed my thighs together, unable to keep my body still. He was hovering over me, eyes dark and focused. Leaning down he placed a kiss on my nipple, his tongue darting out and circling it. I hissed, hips bucking forward at the sheer pleasure coursing through me, getting wetter between my legs.
I felt Edward stiffen, his head popping up, looking at me with wide eyes. I blinked in confusion and then I smiled when I realized he misinterpreted my hiss. “That felt good, really good.”
He let out a breath and chuckled lightly before leaning down to do it again. I couldn’t believe how good it felt, how sensitive I was, how my body would squeeze and shake like that. He was the epitome of careful and I was vocal and reassuring. Not just making noise, but telling him.
Yes
Good
So good
Edward... Yes
Yes
Please... more
Yes
Yes
Good, good, good, good, good, good...
We spent hours in that bed, touching, tasting and learning each other. We shed our clothes and laid naked together, tangling limbs, skin on skin, it was the most wonderful experience.
We didn’t go all the way, staying true to our mutual desire to take our time and I was okay with that.
As I lay in bed, morning sunshine blazes through the windows and it’s hot without Edward here- he insisted on making me breakfast. I can’t get the images of last night out of my head.
His fingers as they slid in between my legs, how he sucked in a breath when he felt how aroused I was.
The wet sounds of his fingers sliding around when he stroked me.
Edward asking me once again to show him; my hand over his between my thighs, my nervous fumbling and his patience.
The coiling, maddening anticipation and the pure pleasure I felt when he brought me to orgasm that way.
How he finally let me touch him, how soft he was, how beautiful.
How he gripped the headboard and groaned with each pump of my hand.
The look on his face when he came.
How I snorted over the mangled headboard and he shrugged it off, taking it in stride.
How he chanted I love you over and over and the kisses he gave, the unadulterated love that came from his lips, the quiet words he spoke that I wanted to remember forever.
“Ready for breakfast?”
When I turn to look at Edward, he’s now wearing a sheepish expression. “I was going to serve you breakfast in bed but...”
I giggle as I take stock of the bed. It looks like we had a very wild time last night.
“Meet you in the kitchen?” I offer, hoping to get a few human moments in before I eat. I’m quick in my morning routine, throwing on my bikini and a light sundress over the top before I head into the kitchen.
When I walk in, my eyes go wide. Edward has made me eggs, bacon, toast and sliced fruit. I find him at the counter squeezing fresh orange juice. He looks over his shoulder and winks at me.
I sit and dig in, humming as I taste the omelet he’s prepared. It is very, very good. He sits next to me, placing a glass of juice down and kissing my temple.
“This is great,” I lean over to kiss him. “When did you learn to cook?”
“Food Network.” He grins, his eyes following the fork as I bring it to my mouth once again. He watches as I continue to eat, my appetite strong this morning and I devour half the omelet, a few pieces of bacon and fruit. I lean back and stretch my arms up, my belly so full that I feel like I could go back to bed.
“Thank you, that was really good. I may have you cook for me more often.”
His eyes meet mine and they are dark, enchanting. “I like feeding you.” He says it like he’s confessing something and there is a far away look in his eyes, like he’s day dreaming. I wonder what he’s thinking about, his stiff body language betraying the easy going expression on his face. My mind drifts, I fantasize about feeding him, feeding with him and there is something about this fantasy that arouses me. The thought of him drinking blood...It’s so taboo and there is a sexual association that I can’t deny. The lust... The want...
I have to guess that he’s thinking about the same thing. The atmosphere in the room is suddenly charged, on the edge of both tension and excitement. I squeeze my legs together and he sits up, shifting in his seat, adjusting himself.
He takes my hand and swallows before he speaks, his brow crinkled. “I may have to leave for a few hours. I need to hunt today.”
“Of course,” I reassure him and for a moment I contemplate moving into his lap and hugging him, but I stay in my seat and squeeze his hand. “That’s fine; I can entertain myself for a few hours. Go or I’ll feel guilty eating so much if you’re thirsty.”
“Do you mind if I go now? I can, um... feed quickly and be back in three hours tops and we will still have plenty of time together to explore the island today.”
“Yes, go eat. Don’t rush, Edward, find a big carnivore to munch on.” I smile and he laughs before kissing my forehead and telling me he loves me before zipping away.
I pick up after breakfast and then grab a book which I take to the patio, sprawling out on the over-sized chaise and reading for a while, the morning sunshine bright and the water looking so inviting. I’m sudden very anxious for Edward to get back so that we can go swimming.
I’m thinking about walking down to the shore where I can put my feet in the water when I hear my cell phone beep, alerting me to a new text.
I head inside and grab the phone. It’s Alice.
It says: You made a wise and mature decision. I’m really proud of you. :)
A second text comes in a moment later: Sunblock, sunblock, sunblock! Love u! Be good.
I spent of the rest of the morning outside; reading, snacking and napping, only to be awoken by Edward kissing my jaw.
It’s gotten hot and his lips felt so good, nice and cool on my skin. I take his hand and put it over my face and I’m nuzzling it, the chill of his skin such a welcome sensation. I reach up and hug him, sighing as he lays down on his back letting me drape myself over him.
“Better?” he asks.
“Mmmmmmm.” My face is pressed against his chest, the cold is radiating off him and I don’t want to move from this spot.
He chuckles and slides his arms up and down my back. “Did you have a nice nap?”
“Mmmmmmm,” I reply and lift my head to speak. “I missed you, missed my personal AC.”
He laughs and puts his hands on my back, splaying out his fingers and moving his hands slowly up and down. “We could go swimming, get you cooled off.”
“That sounds good.” I kiss his chest, roll off him and rise to my feet, shedding the sundress and tossing it on the chaise. I suck in a breath when Edward’s arms come around my torso, his bare chest pressing against my back. He shifts his arms up just below my breasts and his hands are so close to them, his thumb wandering, moving, teasing the edge of the fabric of my bikini. Between the chilled feel of his body and his roaming hands, I’m tingling and breathing a little heavier. He’s barely touched me and I’m pretty sure my bikini bottoms are now soaked. Oh God...I’m blushing.
He starts walking us back toward the chaise and his hold on me loosens, his hands slowly moving down onto the bare skin of my thigh. He sits and I’m in his lap, facing away from him. Edward’s fingers drift across my stomach, back and forth with each pass dipping lower. I relax into him, let him explore me, breathing deep, I just feel. Keeping the pace slow he kisses my shoulder, his lips lingering, dragging the tip of his tongue across my skin. He works his lips to my neck, his hands down in between my legs on my thighs. He presses himself against me and I roll my hips back, meeting him. God, I want to grab him, kiss him, to feel every inch of his cool skin on mine.
“I love you. You are so beautiful, Bella,” he whispers and I smile. His voice reins me in, grounds me. I keep my head, keep my calm, and reach my arms up so that I can run my fingers through his hair.
“I love you too.” I would have turned my face to kiss him but he’s taken my left hand and brushed his lips against the finger that bear his ring.
He continues to touch, the tips of his fingers running up and down my body until he comes to my breasts, He cups them over my bikini and I let out a shaky breath as he begins to slowly pull down the fabric. I let out a sigh as he splays his hands out, his palms caressing me so gently.
I try not to writhe too much but my body has other ideas and the sweat on my skin is creating a delicious friction when we slide against each other. I can’t take it any longer. I put my hands over his and guide him. The sun is beating down on us and I’m squirming, trying to get as close as I can to him. I feel like I need his chill just as much as his hands on me. I’m not blushing anymore but that doesn’t stop my skin from heating up.
I suddenly remember Alice’s text, and as much as I’m enjoying this, I really don’t want to spend the next week sunburned.
“Edward...” Jesus, I’m whimpering and now I’m blushing, again.
“Hmmmm?” He acknowledges but doesn’t stop touching me.
“Sunblock,” I whisper, unable to say anything else as he’s started playing with my nipple, his other hand between my legs. Even over the bikini, it’s enough to render me incoherent.
“What?” He asks and his hands stop moving. I giggle because he’s never asked me to repeat myself with his superior recall and hearing. He must be as distracted as me, maybe even more.
I pull away and lean forward a bit. “Sunblock,” I repeat, turning my head to see his dark lust-filled eyes.
His eyes widen and then I’m sitting by myself and he’s rushing back with my SPF 40 in hand. “May I?” He asks, already squeezing a generous amount into his hand. I nod and he smirks at me. “Lay back.”
He starts with my legs, rubbing the lotion into my skin thoroughly. My arms are next, my back and shoulders are totally protected and then...he sheds my bikini top completely and I’m so turned on, so unashamed of my nudity. I look at him, loving the way his eyes are glued to my body, savoring and cherishing the way his hands feel on me.
He shifts us once again and now he’s on his back with me on top, straddling him. He’s somehow managed to get another plentiful hand of lotion and he’s spreading it on me and oh my god... it just feels so good.
He pulls me down, kissing me the hardest he’s ever kissed, his tongue in my mouth and I moan softly, our lower bodies grinding, my nipples suffering the sweetest torture. I push them into his chest, the lotion making me slippery.
A growl rumbles low in his chest and he breaks the kiss. Eyes closed, he lets out a breath then apologizes.
I blink, stunned and then look him in the eyes. “No, you don’t have to apologize for that. That is...” I hesitate; almost embarrassed to admit how much it aroused me. Then I feel how hard he is beneath me; the fabric between us seems so little. “It makes me feel sexy.” I touch his chest, touch him all over. “And wanted.”
“I always want you,” his voice is steady, reassuring and strong. It makes my heart swell, makes my knees weak. I melt into him, kissing, rubbing, letting him lead and being patient.
I give into to whatever he’s willing to give me and I am not disappointed. He touches me between my legs, growling again when he feels how wet I am for him. He makes me come, makes me shake and shiver and mumble I love you, yes, yes, yes, so good, so good, so good.
And he lets me touch him. I’m surprised at how much I like to watch as I do that to him. His eyes flicker from mine to my hand and he comes with a grunt, throwing his head back and letting himself growl loud and fierce.
We lay together spooning afterward in silence, coming down from the high; Edward kissing my shoulder. His lips part and still, his body goes tense before he shifts and rolls onto his back.
I frown at the loss of contact and turn to look at him. He’s staring up into the sky, his expression unreadable.
“Are you okay?” I ask shyly, trying to feel out his mood. He seemed so relaxed just moments ago...
He looks at me, eyes still dark but getting lighter. He runs his finger over my shoulder, where he had been kissing me. “I almost bit you.”
My eyes widen in shock and he grins. “I’m okay,” he reassures. “I’m in total control of myself, it’s just... when I was kissing your shoulder, I had an urge to just...” He suddenly looks sheepish. “I just wanted to run my teeth over your skin, not to really bite, not for your blood, just because...” He looks in my eyes once more and the intensity shocks me. “I can’t wait until your skin is as hard as mine. I can’t wait until I can kiss you without holding back. I want to nibble on your skin. I want to bite your lower lip like you always do. I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”
His words...they hit me hard. Tears stream down my cheeks, I can’t stop them.
“Bella?” There is alarm in his voice, his hands rush to my face. “I’m s-”
There is no way in hell I’m letting him apologize for that. I throw my hand over his mouth and try to compose myself. “Happy tears,” I tell him. “You’ve never...”
Another tear falls and I smile in spite of my crying and continue. “That was the first time you’ve ever seemed... excited about me being like you. I thought... I thought you didn’t want me forever.”
There. I’ve said it. It’s my only real fear.
Suddenly, his arms are wrapped around me. Gathered in his arms, I cry, letting him cradle me, and God... All I can think it about is how much I love him and how utterly happy I am hearing him admit that he wants me.
“I want it. I’ve always wanted it.” His voice is more sure than I’ve ever heard it.
I cry harder but it’s in relief.
Taking my face still in his hands, he kisses me softly. “Bella, you are my forever.”
Well? What did you think? Leave me a review and let me know!
I have two recs, in case you’re looking for something to read.
The Masque of the Red Death by Jessiechreesie. Summary: Her blood would be mine. As would she. Once she begged, pleaded, demanded, and wept for my bite. And she would. The only question was how many would die first. Vampire AU.
Atlas Shrugged by Jessiechreesie. Summary: Bella's betrayal with Jacob is the final straw to make Edward stumble. Now she has to find the strength to put him back together and face the consequences of her actions. Begins after the kiss in the woods with Jacob. Eclipse AU. E/B
~~I have to take a moment to thank, kikki7 and MrsK81 for pre-reading and Vintagejgc for her beta assistance.
~~So… I wrote this one-shot, an alternate ending to Edward and Bella’s honeymoon. What would have happened if Bella had given more consideration to Edward’s fears?
My Forever
As I lean against Edward, his arm comes around my shoulders, squeezing just a little. He points out into the distance and brings his mouth close to my ear. “Can you see it?”
Squinting against the dark sky I can barely make out a line of trees against the horizon. I look up at Edward and nod, unable to keep the smile off my face. As we speed toward Isle Esme, a new excitement washes away the sleep from my eyes.
Just a few minutes later the boat slows, the powerful engine ceasing and we begin rocking against the gentle swell of the water. Edward helps me off the boat, and then races to put the luggage away before he’s back at my side, taking my hand and leading me to the house. Like everything else I expected from the Cullen family, my family, it was an exquisite place. His hand in mine, he shows me the kitchen and bathroom, making sure I’m acquainted with the human necessities. We end up in the master bedroom, pristine and untouched; I wonder when it was last used.
“Bella?” He asks; a touch of trepidation in his voice. He stands before me, his eyes all light and beautiful. “Come for a midnight swim with me?”
His cool touch is refreshing against the humid island air, gently stroking the ring that adorns my finger. I watch as his eyes darken, watching him swallow several times.
“That sounds nice.” My voice trembles, and it comes out just a bit louder than a whisper. I smile at him, pushing down my sudden nervousness.
He returns my smile but looks more relieved than anything else. I may not be an empath, but I can feel the unease radiating off him. I turn and walk to the dresser, my suit case laid on top. After an unzip and a peek, I remember that Alice has packed for me. I change my mind and turn to him.
He speaks before I have the chance. “I’m sure you’d like a human minute or two...” He trails off, motioning toward the bathroom. “It was a long journey.”
I nod, I am indeed in need of a few minutes to myself, but I don’t move, instead I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I feel his lips against my forehead, trailing down to my temple. “Don’t take too long, Mrs. Cullen. I’ll be waiting for you in the water.”
I smile wide, the way he said Mrs. Cullen makes me unexpectedly giddy. I open my eyes to see him walking away and opening the French doors. He is shrugging off his shirt and drops it to the floor. My gaze is fixated on his back, muscular and toned to perfection.
“I’ll be quick,” I say before turning toward the bathroom.
I march forward, trying to calm myself; looking at myself in the mirror and cringing. Alice’s flawless make-up has faded. Looking away I notice that Edward has already laid out toiletries as well as hung a bathing suit from the doorknob. I change and splash some cool water on my face. Looking at my reflection, I sigh; my physical appearance isn’t all that bad. I’d been waxed, buffed, and otherwise taken care of by Alice in preparation for this moment and I want to be beautiful for him. I study my reflection and see nothing I haven’t seen thousands of times before. Then I imagine myself with flawless skin and honey eyes. Surprisingly enough, I don’t imagine myself much different. Even fantasizing my eyes gold or black with hunger, they look natural to me. My imagination conjures up what I think will be me someday and I look good, right. I look like me, with a few upgrades.
I shake my head and laugh. This is my honeymoon, I got married today. And now… Though I feel no different physically, my emotions are teetering on the edge of a strange sort of excitement, I somehow feel different.
I am suddenly feeling a confidence and a pressing need. My husband is waiting for me.
And there is… the difference. I have been so trained to think of marriage as a legality, a piece of paper and nothing more. The fact that calling Edward my husband comes so naturally is an epiphany. I didn’t think any of that marriage business would have this type of effect on me, and yet here I am, smiling to myself at the fact that I married Edward today.
I turn and leave the room, walking slowly toward the French doors. I amble down to the beach, my toes curling at the temperature of the water. So warm… So good.
At first I don’t see him, my eyes wandering the horizon. I walk past a palm tree with a curved branch that hangs out over the water, and hanging upon the branch was the rest of Edward’s clothes.
He is naked.
I stop, breathing hard when I see him waist deep in the water. His skin manages to glisten against the moonlight, and looks so inviting. He doesn’t turn to face me, but I am sure that he heard me approach. I’m caught off guard by his lack of clothes, my own skimpy bikini seeming too much and that’s saying a lot. I reach up and untie the knot behind my head, shedding the top; I hang it up next to Edward’s pants before removing my bottoms and swallowing hard.
I’m waist deep before Edward extends his hand and I make my way to him as quickly as I can, throwing my arms around his waist in a hug. We embrace- the warm water around us like a blanket. It is a soothing combination, my heat against his now unencumbered, cool skin, he feels warm in the water. I try not to focus on the lusty vibes my body is undoubtedly feeling and I squeeze my arms around him as tight as I can in a way that isn’t sexual, but loving.
We stay like that for awhile; my head laying against his chest before he scoops me up and makes his way deeper into the ocean. We both look up to the moon, full and bright- it is glorious.
“Beautiful,” I murmur, his lips descending to my forehead for a brief kiss.
“It’s alright,” he replies seeming unimpressed. His hands move to the small of my back, gently rubbing circles to soothe me. “But I wouldn’t use the word beautiful,” he continues. “Not in comparison to you.”
I look up at him then and put my arms around his neck, pulling myself closer and inhaling slowly. Everything feels so intense, the pulse of the water, the feel of Edward’s hands on my skin, all of my skin. My nipples harden against his chest, the cool temperature of his body giving me the most delicious chills. I shiver, almost shaking with a stuttered breath. Leaning into him, I just stay there, trying to savor and enjoy the moment.
His finger finds its way to my chin and taps, a subtle way to get me to open my eyes and acknowledge him. “I promised we would try,” he whispers, tension present in his voice. “If… if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once.”
The only thing I can think to do is hold him tighter, nodding solemnly. My eyes close again, I can’t help it. I am so comfortable in his hands that I doubt anything he can do will feel wrong. “I love you,” I breathe, my voice so calm and composed that I impress myself.
We stay there embracing each other for a few moments before I look at up him again. “Don’t be afraid,” I murmur. “We belong together.”
His stare mesmerizes me, although I can still sense his trepidation. The crinkle of his brow, his jaw tight with clenched teeth; his fear is palpable. I bury my face in his chest and sigh. I want this night to be without any drama. Our current state is sadly soaked in hesitancy.
This will not do.
This is not what I want.
I don’t want awkwardness and stuttered words. I want him to take me, touch me. I want him to forget about his fear and trust in us.
We can do this, I am sure of it, but I will have to take the lead. I will have to ease him into it; slow it down and enjoy our midnight swim first.
I lean back far enough to let my hair become saturated with water. I loosen my hold and Edward’s grip mirrors my own, letting me slip into the water, submerging myself. I open my eyes and see darkness but feel his hands bracing my upper arms, his grip soft yet demanding. I push my toes against the sand and emerge quickly, purposely spitting water in his face in an attempt to lighten the mood.
I crack up laughing and he follows suit, his hands never leaving my waist. I squirm and shimmy, situating myself with my chest against his back behind him. “Swim,” I whisper and he cups my thigh with his left hand and moves forward with a stroke of his right arm, propelling us into the deep water.
He swims, and I hold on to him, relishing the feel of his body against mine. When I look back, the house is so very far away, just a flicker of light in the distance. I feel so at peace, so relaxed in his embrace. He turns me, his hands holding me firmly, ensuring that I won’t sink until I face him. I can feel the movement of the water below us as he moves his feet, keeping us afloat. I let go of him, my arms by my side, letting him hold me there.
My hands drift over his watery form, he is dazzling me without even trying to. The fact that he is staring at the tops of my breasts does not escape me. His hand leaves my waist and travels up my body, leaving a hot trail of want in its wake. Every time he touches me it solidifies my need for him. He feels it too; I know he does; although I know the chance of him admitting it is slim. Even married, he is so cautious of me, his touch a whisper, the water coming down harder on my skin than his hands.
I watch his face, his longing and reservations so present in the moonlight. I think I should be forceful and maybe wanton, surely he will give me what I want, he agreed to it. The longer I study him, the more fear I see in him. He looks terrified under a mask of calm and that makes me think; makes me understand him in a way I never have before. It gives me pause, really looking at this situation through his eyes for the first time. I feel like I have somehow gained a new appreciation for his worries. This magnificent creature in my arms is everything to me. The mere thought of him hurting in any way, shape, or form is repugnant, is something I know I never want to see.
I want him, I know it, and I am sure he wants me and yet… for the first time I feel as though I’m not sure I want to force him into something that he might not be ready for.
He doesn’t look ready. He looks nervous, cautious, almost pained even.
Had he been more relaxed I might have pressed my naked body up against him like I wanted, but I suddenly feel very selfish. It hits me like a tidal wave when I realize that I had never really given his fears much thought, had I? Could I have over-estimated his control or his strength? What if he couldn’t control himself in the heat of passion? Why was I worried about this? I wanted to be like him and the thought of him biting me while making love seemed like a romantic way to go… But then I thought about the act itself; he would have to bite me, cause me excruciating pain. It would hurt him to hurt me like that.
I kiss the side of his neck and then look up at him.
“Edward?” I can barely find my voice. “I love you, so much.”
“And I love you,” he pulls a wet lock of hair from my eyes. “More than my own life.”
I feel warmth that I know wasn’t coming from the water. It’s a connection to him that is beyond anything I have ever experienced. His words sink deep beneath my psyche.
All of a sudden, everything comes into focus. My world tilts into something that is no longer just about me. I feel the exact same way as Edward does. I love him more than anything and it becomes very clear to me that so many of my actions have been driven by my needs and not his.
“I want to call off our agreement.” I can’t believe the words that leave my mouth in a rush.
He looks bewildered. “What?”
He stares down at me in wonder. I have to reply, expand, something…
“I love you, Edward.” I stare back at him, willing him to know that what I feel between us is so much more than can be expressed physically or verbally, apparently. “Deal’s off.”
I know that my voice is too calm for him, too relaxed, he is perplexed.
“What are you saying?” His brow furrows and I smile at the fact that he has no idea what I am thinking. He has no idea that my resolve has suddenly turned, my selfishness withering. I can’t do this if it means making him uncomfortable in any way. It wouldn’t be right.
“I’m saying that I want you, when you’re ready, and not a minute before.” My gaze is cast down, a speck of unease at my own declaration. I am fighting with my own urges in order to find a balance between us, to be his wife, his partner. Despite of what he thinks of himself, or his soul, I know the truth. I know that he is a good person with a soul that supplies me with boundless love and affection. He deserves to be heard, to have a say in what happens between us. I need to respect his wishes, not to blow them off. I know that if I were to pressure him, he would do what I wish. He would swim us back to shore and make his best attempt at filling our vows of marriage with a forced physical love that would be shrouded in hesitancy. I wonder if he would get any pleasure or if he would be too busy worrying about my fragility. My lust suddenly seems like such a fickle emotion.
Of course I want him. That is something that my body does without any conscious thought. I am aroused by his mere presence and I know that won’t change. I have a feeling that it will be infinitely more intense once I am like him. I have a fleeting notion to ask him to bite me now. To take what he needs in order to foster our dreams of making love to each other unencumbered. But I do not. I can’t ask him that. Not here. Not now.
His face contorts into an uneasy expression and I have no idea what to say.
“Why?” He asks.
It is a simple question, one that I should be able to verbalize, but I am caught up in his eyes. He truly has no idea what I am thinking and I realize that I need to speak to make him understand.
”Please, Bella…” He sounds so pained that I wince. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He looks so lost; confused at my statement that I know he hasn’t a clue at my sudden change of heart.
With a warm smile, I bring my hands around his neck and grab onto his hair. I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him softly. I’m not sure why I am at a loss for words but kissing him seems to express my feelings so much more than any words can. As always, I am a bit more forceful than he is with me. Realizing my over-zealous kiss, I soften it. Normally I would unabashedly run my tongue over his bottom lip and everywhere else he allowed; this time I use my lips to tell him exactly how I feel in this moment. Slowly but surely, I worship his lips and rejoice silently that these lips will someday travel to more intimate places and bring me more pleasure than I know what to do with. Somehow, right now, the fantasy is more than enough.
Like so many times before, he breaks our kiss, but this time I don’t pout or give him grief. I simply hold on to him and revel in his softly guarded touches.
“I feel differently now.” I confess. His expression is curious, his eyebrow rising in question. “I didn’t think I would feel this way.”
“How do you feel?” He asks his lips now by my ear. “What’s different?”
“Please don’t be mad,” I plead, even though what I am about to say is what I think he will love to hear. “I’ve changed my mind.”
“About what?”
“About this,” I answer gesturing around us. This deserted island, which should have been the perfect place for us to express our physical want for each other. I feel ashamed of my demands of him. This shouldn’t be a demand. It should mean something more, for both of us.
He looked at me expectantly, and I know I have to explain. “I…” I laugh nervously. “I feel so close to you, more connected to you. I’m your wife.”
The words roll off my tongue with ease, a new kind of joy sparking in my chest.
I smile the most sincere smile I have donned in what seems like forever. Somehow the gravity of my commitment surges within me. A tear slips down my cheek and I hope he doesn’t notice, hope maybe the water will mask the raw emotion pouring out of me; the true meaning of my words spinning my entire perspective.
“And?” He challenges, his tone playful, bringing me into his mood and making me wrap my legs around him tighter.
“And…” I repeat with conviction, trying desperately to ignore how close we are, how much I can feel him. “I’m done being selfish.”
He cocks an eyebrow and I smile even wider. “I’m done demanding, I’m done with all of that.” I wave my hand in a nonchalant gesture. “I didn’t know…” I lose my voice, wanting so badly to let him know what I am thinking. I sigh thinking it would be easier if my brain worked right and he could simply read my mind. “I didn’t realize how being your wife would make me feel.”
Wife...
I said it again and I tingle, warm beyond his cool, loving him so hard I could burst.
“How does it make you feel?” He asks, voice low, husky. I keep him at arm’s length as I try to explain, his eyes slightly narrowed as if he is expecting something bad to come out of my mouth but I can’t blame him. I have been so stubborn about this little bargain of ours, conceding to marriage only when he agreed not only to turn me, but have sex with me too, regardless of his reservations. I try to focus on how I feel now.
“Good, so, so good.” I smile wide and true. “Happy, silly, amazing.”
He smiles so big that I can’t help but smile back, his happiness making this that much sweeter. He sweeps me into a hug and holds on tight, his feet swishing around beneath us, spinning round and round. “God, Bella, I just want you to be happy.”
I kiss his shoulder. “I am. As long as we’re together, I will be.”
I wrap my arms around his back as he swims; giggling as he races us back to shore. He carries me bridal style into the house, grinning as we cross through the threshold.
“I should have carried you the first time.”
I laugh and bite my lip as we make our way inside. We dress- Edward in board shorts and a simple white T-shirt and me in a casual sundress. I wander into the kitchen and open the refrigerator which is filled to the brim with fresh fruit, vegetables and cheeses.
“I took the liberty of having the house stocked.” He rubs the back of his head. “I hope everything is to your liking.”
“Look at all this fruit...” I grab a strawberry and hold it to my nose, inhaling and humming in anticipation. I had hardly eaten anything that day, and the sight of food reminds me how hungry I am.
Edward walks to me, bending down to sniff the strawberry just as I had. His expression is so cute, curious, and playful. The tension from before has vanished and I let out a contented sigh.
He runs one finger down my jaw. “You’re still smiling.” He sounds amazed, his eyes focusing on my lips that are indeed still stretched out in a grin. “I love your smile, Bella. I cannot tell how much joy I feel when you smile.”
He takes the strawberry from me and holds it to my mouth. I bite tentatively, humming in satisfaction.
“Are you hungry?” he asks, stepping away.
“Very,” I reply.
“Come,” he says as he takes my hand and leads me through the living room, and out the back door. There is a deck off the back where we walk to a chaise lounge. It is huge, certainly big enough for two people to sit on. I sit and he kneels in front of me and kisses each one of my knees. He winks at me before rushing away at vampire speed. I try to watch but he is simply too fast for me to keep up. So instead, I lay back and listen to the sound of the gentle waves lapping at the shore. I close my eyes and relax and don’t open them again until Edward clears his throat.
He places a tray on the table, filled with sliced mango, pineapple, and of course strawberries. There are several hurricane lamps aglow with candles and a wine glass in his hand. He offers it to me and I hold it to my nose and sniff.
Edward laughs, “It’s a pinot grigio, a white wine. I hear it’s very good.”
I take a small sip and let it dwell in my mouth for a few seconds before swallowing. I’d never had wine before.
“Do you like it?” he asks, looking curious again.
“It’s... different.” I take another sip, determined to give him a better explanation than different.
“It is supposed to be dry, but I’m not sure what that means exactly.” He pauses and chuckles. “A liquid that tastes dry? I can’t say that I understand that.”
“Dry huh?” I take a bigger sip and try to feel it out and savor it. It has a complex flavor that is foreign to me, and after I swallow, my mouth does feel a little dry, making me want to take another sip. “It’s sweet,” I begin, trying my best to give a visceral description. “But it’s acidic, like a citrus fruit, and after I swallow, there is a dry feeling on my tongue. It’s hard to describe.”
“Take another sip,” he commands softly. I do, a small sip, making sure to coat my lips in it. He takes the glass from me and sets it aside, leaning in to kiss me. His tongue runs slowly along my lips, making me shiver. Leaning back he licks his lips and grins. “It tastes good on you.”
The combination of the wine and his kiss make me feel warm all over. I try to tamp down the arousal as my stomach is protesting and growling.
He pulls away, pushing the tray toward me. “Eat, love. I know you’re hungry.”
He watches as I eat and I try not to blush. I always find it a bit awkward to eat in front of him, but I am too hungry to care about that and the fruit is wonderful. I clear the plate and have a few more sips of wine before Edward refills my glass.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?” I teased, wiggling my eyebrows.
He chuckled. “No, I would prefer you coherent on our wedding night.”
He grinned at me. “Are you feeling intoxicated?”
“No but I can feel the effects of the alcohol. I understand the way it’s used to relieve stress. It’s making my body feel heavy. I don’t think I’ll drink much more. I would prefer to be coherent too.”
With that said he took the plate and glass away then came to lie beside me. He was quiet, running his hands up and down my arms, around my shoulders and across my collar bone.
“May I ask you something?” His voice was soft, his brow crinkled again.
“Of course.” I turned to face him, touching his arm, mirroring his actions.
“What made you change your mind?” He asked quietly.
I smiled at that. I had wondered when he would ask. “This may sound stupid, but sometimes I take for granted that you can’t read my mind.”
“Really?” He cocked an eyebrow and his hand wandered lower, to my hip.
“Yeah, I mean…” I tried to focus, but his hand was distracting me. “You always know, well, everything, and sometimes I just assume that you can tell how I’m feeling.”
He laughed hard at my words and I laughed along with him.
“Bella…” He smirked. “You confound me, you always surprise me, and I love that about you.”
He stared at me, waiting for me to continue. “My point is that I don’t always say what I’m thinking. It occurred to me today that there are things I’ve never told you, things I need to tell you.”
His expression turned pensive, like I was about to reveal some dark secrets. I leaned forward brushing my lips against his, soft and chaste. I pulled back and smiled just for him. I ran my fingers through his hair and sighed. “I had an epiphany today. I realized that my motives in this little bargain of ours were...unfair and selfish. When we went for our swim you looked petrified when you spoke of... you know.”
He swallowed and nodded his expression almost sad. He was about to say something but I put my hand over his mouth, desperate to continue and tell him how I felt.
“I want to apologize for making you feel like I don’t value your opinion because I do.” I took his face in my hands. “I had a moment of clarity where I finally understood your fears, your reservations about making love to me.”
I leaned in closer, our noses almost touching. “I don’t want our first time to be with both of us scared. I want to enjoy you and I want you to enjoy me.”
He didn’t say anything at first, his eyes dark, his expression unreadable.
“Do you want to try?” I asked, my finger tracing the shell of his ear.
“I do want to.” His finger drifted down my jaw stopping at my chin. “I want you Bella. Don’t ever doubt that. I think it’s physically possible. I trust myself to be careful with you, to be gentle. My reservations comes from my inexperience. I’m not sure what to expect. I don’t know how it will affect me.” He shifted away and exhaled a big breath. Turning his head toward me he looked embarrassed, an expression I had never seen on him. “I’m also terrified that I won’t be able to please you.”
I snorted and he glared at me.
I spoke softly, trying to reassure him. “Neither one of us has done this before.”
I shifted closer to him, feeling needy for his touch, and pondering over what to say. I had been thinking about how we should approach it and decided to just tell him what I thought would work best. I shifted even closer, and then climbed on top of him.
He shuddered, closing his eyes and then opening them slowly. As I stared down at him, I was breathless at the feel of him beneath me. I leaned down and kissed his neck. “We’ll go slowly, we’ll learn together, and Edward...”
He kissed my shoulder, his hands on my hips pushing down, letting me feel him. He was hard and I whimpered, becoming wet between my legs. I kissed his neck again, trailing slow open mouthed kisses up his jaw before pulling back, wanting to look into his eyes.
I whispered to him, my voice lost in the depths of his eyes. “I want everything with you, and I know it’s tradition that we should... make love on our wedding night but it’s ok if we don’t.”
He let out a breath, looking shocked, thunderstruck. “I need for us to take it slow.”
“I know and that’s okay.” I smiled, running a finger over his jaw, his tension gone.
He took my hand and put it on his chest where his heart used to beat and he put his on my chest, a small smile on his lips.
“Thank you.” His voice broke, his lips trembling. “I can’t tell you what that means to me, Bella. Thank you for telling me everything tonight. Thank you for giving me the gift of your commitment. You make me feel so... loved.”
I leaned toward him, my lips touching down softly on his, very sweet kisses over and over. It was he who deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding against mine. I responded carefully at first, trying to curb my whimpers, to let him set the pace.
He kissed me senseless, a deep kiss that had an edge to it that was new. It was almost aggressive. He broke away, a grin on his lips, his hands running up over my backside.
“I want to try so many things with you, Bella. I want to touch you, everywhere.” He was bold, his hands running up the back of my thigh onto bare skin where the dress no longer covered. I shivered when he advanced, slow fingers with the gentlest touch ran up and my thigh, stopping only to toy with the edge of my panties.
I willed my hips to be still, but he was pushing up, grinding himself on me.
“May I take you to bed?” He asked, eyes clouded with lust, voice low. I nodded and in a flash was being placed on the softness of blankets, dazed as laid me down gently. Taking the edge of my dress, he lifted and removed it, tossing it aside, and then he just stood there looking down at me. I had on a bra and panty set that Alice had packed. It was a mix of silk and lace in a deep blue, very simple, yet the way Edward was looking at me made me feel like I was wearing nothing. His eyes roamed my body head to toe.
Sitting beside me, he traced the strap of my bra. “You are a vision, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”
His words made me blush and he grinned, his fingers wandering over my silk covered breasts, the fabric so thin, barely there. He took his time touching me, gently moving his hands over my stomach, down to my thighs. He shifted lower, caressing my calves before he bent down to place a kiss on each one of my feet. His finger swirled around the bottom of my foot- my most ticklish spot- causing me to giggle.
He laughed with me and pressed his lips to my ankle, our mood taking a playful turn. He looked up at me and began to kiss his way up my body. Our stare never broke as he worked his way up my thigh and around the curve of my hip. Then he was above me, kissing me, open-mouthed and wet. My hands were in his hair, massaging his scalp and I resisted the urge to scrape my nails across his neck.
We kissed for so long. It could have been minutes, hours, I was lost in the sublime feeling of his lips on me. I focused on every touch of his hand, every brush of his lips, every whispered declaration of love for me.
I gasped when he cupped one of my breasts, his finger dipping beneath the fabric. “I want to see you,” he rasped, breaking our kiss and looking at his hand which was pulling the silk down, revealing my bare skin. Ever so slowly, he touched me, staring down at me while his finger circled my nipple. He watched, fascinated as it hardened and as much I tried, I could not help myself. I arched into his touch, whimpering.
“Show me,” he whispered, taking my hand and placing it over his. “I... I need you to show me. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not-”
Before he could finish, I put my hands over his, guiding him, pressing down where I wanted. Nurturing and stroking his fingers while I writhed and pressed my thighs together, unable to keep my body still. He was hovering over me, eyes dark and focused. Leaning down he placed a kiss on my nipple, his tongue darting out and circling it. I hissed, hips bucking forward at the sheer pleasure coursing through me, getting wetter between my legs.
I felt Edward stiffen, his head popping up, looking at me with wide eyes. I blinked in confusion and then I smiled when I realized he misinterpreted my hiss. “That felt good, really good.”
He let out a breath and chuckled lightly before leaning down to do it again. I couldn’t believe how good it felt, how sensitive I was, how my body would squeeze and shake like that. He was the epitome of careful and I was vocal and reassuring. Not just making noise, but telling him.
Yes
Good
So good
Edward... Yes
Yes
Please... more
Yes
Yes
Good, good, good, good, good, good...
We spent hours in that bed, touching, tasting and learning each other. We shed our clothes and laid naked together, tangling limbs, skin on skin, it was the most wonderful experience.
We didn’t go all the way, staying true to our mutual desire to take our time and I was okay with that.
As I lay in bed, morning sunshine blazes through the windows and it’s hot without Edward here- he insisted on making me breakfast. I can’t get the images of last night out of my head.
His fingers as they slid in between my legs, how he sucked in a breath when he felt how aroused I was.
The wet sounds of his fingers sliding around when he stroked me.
Edward asking me once again to show him; my hand over his between my thighs, my nervous fumbling and his patience.
The coiling, maddening anticipation and the pure pleasure I felt when he brought me to orgasm that way.
How he finally let me touch him, how soft he was, how beautiful.
How he gripped the headboard and groaned with each pump of my hand.
The look on his face when he came.
How I snorted over the mangled headboard and he shrugged it off, taking it in stride.
How he chanted I love you over and over and the kisses he gave, the unadulterated love that came from his lips, the quiet words he spoke that I wanted to remember forever.
“Ready for breakfast?”
When I turn to look at Edward, he’s now wearing a sheepish expression. “I was going to serve you breakfast in bed but...”
I giggle as I take stock of the bed. It looks like we had a very wild time last night.
“Meet you in the kitchen?” I offer, hoping to get a few human moments in before I eat. I’m quick in my morning routine, throwing on my bikini and a light sundress over the top before I head into the kitchen.
When I walk in, my eyes go wide. Edward has made me eggs, bacon, toast and sliced fruit. I find him at the counter squeezing fresh orange juice. He looks over his shoulder and winks at me.
I sit and dig in, humming as I taste the omelet he’s prepared. It is very, very good. He sits next to me, placing a glass of juice down and kissing my temple.
“This is great,” I lean over to kiss him. “When did you learn to cook?”
“Food Network.” He grins, his eyes following the fork as I bring it to my mouth once again. He watches as I continue to eat, my appetite strong this morning and I devour half the omelet, a few pieces of bacon and fruit. I lean back and stretch my arms up, my belly so full that I feel like I could go back to bed.
“Thank you, that was really good. I may have you cook for me more often.”
His eyes meet mine and they are dark, enchanting. “I like feeding you.” He says it like he’s confessing something and there is a far away look in his eyes, like he’s day dreaming. I wonder what he’s thinking about, his stiff body language betraying the easy going expression on his face. My mind drifts, I fantasize about feeding him, feeding with him and there is something about this fantasy that arouses me. The thought of him drinking blood...It’s so taboo and there is a sexual association that I can’t deny. The lust... The want...
I have to guess that he’s thinking about the same thing. The atmosphere in the room is suddenly charged, on the edge of both tension and excitement. I squeeze my legs together and he sits up, shifting in his seat, adjusting himself.
He takes my hand and swallows before he speaks, his brow crinkled. “I may have to leave for a few hours. I need to hunt today.”
“Of course,” I reassure him and for a moment I contemplate moving into his lap and hugging him, but I stay in my seat and squeeze his hand. “That’s fine; I can entertain myself for a few hours. Go or I’ll feel guilty eating so much if you’re thirsty.”
“Do you mind if I go now? I can, um... feed quickly and be back in three hours tops and we will still have plenty of time together to explore the island today.”
“Yes, go eat. Don’t rush, Edward, find a big carnivore to munch on.” I smile and he laughs before kissing my forehead and telling me he loves me before zipping away.
I pick up after breakfast and then grab a book which I take to the patio, sprawling out on the over-sized chaise and reading for a while, the morning sunshine bright and the water looking so inviting. I’m sudden very anxious for Edward to get back so that we can go swimming.
I’m thinking about walking down to the shore where I can put my feet in the water when I hear my cell phone beep, alerting me to a new text.
I head inside and grab the phone. It’s Alice.
It says: You made a wise and mature decision. I’m really proud of you. :)
A second text comes in a moment later: Sunblock, sunblock, sunblock! Love u! Be good.
I spent of the rest of the morning outside; reading, snacking and napping, only to be awoken by Edward kissing my jaw.
It’s gotten hot and his lips felt so good, nice and cool on my skin. I take his hand and put it over my face and I’m nuzzling it, the chill of his skin such a welcome sensation. I reach up and hug him, sighing as he lays down on his back letting me drape myself over him.
“Better?” he asks.
“Mmmmmmm.” My face is pressed against his chest, the cold is radiating off him and I don’t want to move from this spot.
He chuckles and slides his arms up and down my back. “Did you have a nice nap?”
“Mmmmmmm,” I reply and lift my head to speak. “I missed you, missed my personal AC.”
He laughs and puts his hands on my back, splaying out his fingers and moving his hands slowly up and down. “We could go swimming, get you cooled off.”
“That sounds good.” I kiss his chest, roll off him and rise to my feet, shedding the sundress and tossing it on the chaise. I suck in a breath when Edward’s arms come around my torso, his bare chest pressing against my back. He shifts his arms up just below my breasts and his hands are so close to them, his thumb wandering, moving, teasing the edge of the fabric of my bikini. Between the chilled feel of his body and his roaming hands, I’m tingling and breathing a little heavier. He’s barely touched me and I’m pretty sure my bikini bottoms are now soaked. Oh God...I’m blushing.
He starts walking us back toward the chaise and his hold on me loosens, his hands slowly moving down onto the bare skin of my thigh. He sits and I’m in his lap, facing away from him. Edward’s fingers drift across my stomach, back and forth with each pass dipping lower. I relax into him, let him explore me, breathing deep, I just feel. Keeping the pace slow he kisses my shoulder, his lips lingering, dragging the tip of his tongue across my skin. He works his lips to my neck, his hands down in between my legs on my thighs. He presses himself against me and I roll my hips back, meeting him. God, I want to grab him, kiss him, to feel every inch of his cool skin on mine.
“I love you. You are so beautiful, Bella,” he whispers and I smile. His voice reins me in, grounds me. I keep my head, keep my calm, and reach my arms up so that I can run my fingers through his hair.
“I love you too.” I would have turned my face to kiss him but he’s taken my left hand and brushed his lips against the finger that bear his ring.
He continues to touch, the tips of his fingers running up and down my body until he comes to my breasts, He cups them over my bikini and I let out a shaky breath as he begins to slowly pull down the fabric. I let out a sigh as he splays his hands out, his palms caressing me so gently.
I try not to writhe too much but my body has other ideas and the sweat on my skin is creating a delicious friction when we slide against each other. I can’t take it any longer. I put my hands over his and guide him. The sun is beating down on us and I’m squirming, trying to get as close as I can to him. I feel like I need his chill just as much as his hands on me. I’m not blushing anymore but that doesn’t stop my skin from heating up.
I suddenly remember Alice’s text, and as much as I’m enjoying this, I really don’t want to spend the next week sunburned.
“Edward...” Jesus, I’m whimpering and now I’m blushing, again.
“Hmmmm?” He acknowledges but doesn’t stop touching me.
“Sunblock,” I whisper, unable to say anything else as he’s started playing with my nipple, his other hand between my legs. Even over the bikini, it’s enough to render me incoherent.
“What?” He asks and his hands stop moving. I giggle because he’s never asked me to repeat myself with his superior recall and hearing. He must be as distracted as me, maybe even more.
I pull away and lean forward a bit. “Sunblock,” I repeat, turning my head to see his dark lust-filled eyes.
His eyes widen and then I’m sitting by myself and he’s rushing back with my SPF 40 in hand. “May I?” He asks, already squeezing a generous amount into his hand. I nod and he smirks at me. “Lay back.”
He starts with my legs, rubbing the lotion into my skin thoroughly. My arms are next, my back and shoulders are totally protected and then...he sheds my bikini top completely and I’m so turned on, so unashamed of my nudity. I look at him, loving the way his eyes are glued to my body, savoring and cherishing the way his hands feel on me.
He shifts us once again and now he’s on his back with me on top, straddling him. He’s somehow managed to get another plentiful hand of lotion and he’s spreading it on me and oh my god... it just feels so good.
He pulls me down, kissing me the hardest he’s ever kissed, his tongue in my mouth and I moan softly, our lower bodies grinding, my nipples suffering the sweetest torture. I push them into his chest, the lotion making me slippery.
A growl rumbles low in his chest and he breaks the kiss. Eyes closed, he lets out a breath then apologizes.
I blink, stunned and then look him in the eyes. “No, you don’t have to apologize for that. That is...” I hesitate; almost embarrassed to admit how much it aroused me. Then I feel how hard he is beneath me; the fabric between us seems so little. “It makes me feel sexy.” I touch his chest, touch him all over. “And wanted.”
“I always want you,” his voice is steady, reassuring and strong. It makes my heart swell, makes my knees weak. I melt into him, kissing, rubbing, letting him lead and being patient.
I give into to whatever he’s willing to give me and I am not disappointed. He touches me between my legs, growling again when he feels how wet I am for him. He makes me come, makes me shake and shiver and mumble I love you, yes, yes, yes, so good, so good, so good.
And he lets me touch him. I’m surprised at how much I like to watch as I do that to him. His eyes flicker from mine to my hand and he comes with a grunt, throwing his head back and letting himself growl loud and fierce.
We lay together spooning afterward in silence, coming down from the high; Edward kissing my shoulder. His lips part and still, his body goes tense before he shifts and rolls onto his back.
I frown at the loss of contact and turn to look at him. He’s staring up into the sky, his expression unreadable.
“Are you okay?” I ask shyly, trying to feel out his mood. He seemed so relaxed just moments ago...
He looks at me, eyes still dark but getting lighter. He runs his finger over my shoulder, where he had been kissing me. “I almost bit you.”
My eyes widen in shock and he grins. “I’m okay,” he reassures. “I’m in total control of myself, it’s just... when I was kissing your shoulder, I had an urge to just...” He suddenly looks sheepish. “I just wanted to run my teeth over your skin, not to really bite, not for your blood, just because...” He looks in my eyes once more and the intensity shocks me. “I can’t wait until your skin is as hard as mine. I can’t wait until I can kiss you without holding back. I want to nibble on your skin. I want to bite your lower lip like you always do. I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”
His words...they hit me hard. Tears stream down my cheeks, I can’t stop them.
“Bella?” There is alarm in his voice, his hands rush to my face. “I’m s-”
There is no way in hell I’m letting him apologize for that. I throw my hand over his mouth and try to compose myself. “Happy tears,” I tell him. “You’ve never...”
Another tear falls and I smile in spite of my crying and continue. “That was the first time you’ve ever seemed... excited about me being like you. I thought... I thought you didn’t want me forever.”
There. I’ve said it. It’s my only real fear.
Suddenly, his arms are wrapped around me. Gathered in his arms, I cry, letting him cradle me, and God... All I can think it about is how much I love him and how utterly happy I am hearing him admit that he wants me.
“I want it. I’ve always wanted it.” His voice is more sure than I’ve ever heard it.
I cry harder but it’s in relief.
Taking my face still in his hands, he kisses me softly. “Bella, you are my forever.”
~O~
Well? What did you think? Leave me a review and let me know!
I have two recs, in case you’re looking for something to read.
The Masque of the Red Death by Jessiechreesie. Summary: Her blood would be mine. As would she. Once she begged, pleaded, demanded, and wept for my bite. And she would. The only question was how many would die first. Vampire AU.
Atlas Shrugged by Jessiechreesie. Summary: Bella's betrayal with Jacob is the final straw to make Edward stumble. Now she has to find the strength to put him back together and face the consequences of her actions. Begins after the kiss in the woods with Jacob. Eclipse AU. E/B
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